i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
