i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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