My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
