I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
