So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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