I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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