she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
