he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize