WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
