There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
