got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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