two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
