so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
