she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
