you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
