Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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