Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
