I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
