I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
