Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
