yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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