nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
