i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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