It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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