GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
