Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
