singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
