I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
