apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
