theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're too hungover to prance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
