well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
