Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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