his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
