She is in my trunk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
