The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
