The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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