I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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