cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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