She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
