I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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