My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
