My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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