so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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