So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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