life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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