Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
