I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
