were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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