when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
