If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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