She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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