I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
