did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
