Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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