I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
