One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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