you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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