Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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