so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
