I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
