So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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