How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
