the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
