I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
