Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
