i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
