dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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