hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize