too bad you live with your parents still
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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