my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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