I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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